I was actually asked by two friends when we just came here, what I thought about delivery and installation services in Singapore. Since I was so used to Japan’s endless stream of papers in original, I thought Singsing was just marvelous.
Dear Singapore
I actually filled in 44 forms in original which had to be sent by snail mail before we came to Tokyo and about twice as many once we arrived; to get a university library card, I had to complete seven forms and bring five different sets of documentation, so I mean what could possibly be worse? My friends just smiled and said ‘well, just wait for the installation business to begin’. I now understand what they meant. Even if Japan was exaggerated on a whole different level, after all the papers they at least got it right almost all the time.
Leaving Japan I have never had to shred so many papers in my life; this wasn’t even a fifth of my office..
Here, it really started with the initial IKEA delivery to our apartment. They begin by first arriving at 19.00 instead of 15.00 on a Saturday evening with our full furniture stash. At least so we thought. When the final piece is unloaded one of the guys, who seems completely stoned and has had his teeth on some sort of drying program in the front of his face, says: ‘Ehh, we don’t have the, you know, like, the bed. Ehh, like the outside is here. But you know like the bed, you know, ehh, isn’t. Can only come Monday you know? Ehh’. He then started giggling like a little girl.
Parts of the bed they initially delivered
It takes a few seconds to sink in, because I seriously did not see it coming. Considering the amount of furniture, you should be able to calculate with your ass and piece of chalk that it’s for an empty apartment. And then again, why the f*** would you deliver a bed frame and a mattress pad, but no mattress at late Saturday evening, when the delivery is closed on Sundays?
The giggling did however stop immediately when I said ‘Oh, that’s fine, I’ll just go ahead and call your boss to ask him to book us a hotel on his credit card until Monday. I mean, since you will not deliver a bed for us to sleep in until then, which we paid for. What’s his number please?’.
Would have been nice to be tucked away for a night or two at the Marina Bay Sands Hotel for instance
After looking very confused for at least 10 seconds he said: ‘But, like, it’s like probably lost. Like ‘til Monday, ehh, you know. Wasn’t there. Maybe someone taken it ehh?’. Jonas then smiled like an angel and replied ‘Well, then you better find it, ehh?’. After a very long sentence to his colleague in Malay, with probably quite a few strong words about retarded white people, he said: ‘’key, can, la, can, ‘key, but must sign’. I then smiled my sunniest smile and answered: ‘Of, course I will, when we have all the furniture’. Both guys looked like two astonished owls with big open mouths and even larger eyes. Jonas went on: ‘Thank you so much for your cooperation and we’ll see you again in about an hour then? Great stuff, see you in a bit!’ as he walked towards them and opened the front door. As soon as he closed it we burst out laughing. ‘You think we’ll ever see them again?’ I said. Neither of us was too sure, but we actually had the mattress in an hour, so I guess it wasn’t that lost after all..
The final full set of the whole bed put together on our moving in day
It was equally entertaining when the cable guy came and ‘installed’ the wifi. He started off by casually calling me and asked about the address three times in a row. He then turns up about 2 h:s late with no explanation (maybe next time it’ll only be one hour) + comes in with muddy shoes and smelling like an ashtray. He’s thereafter (surprise, surprise) not capable of connecting the actual cables from the hub, because he has no tools. After borrowing ours, and almost an hour later, he sighs and says ‘Da best la it’ll geeet n it’ll be la much bit tricky la to accezzz da neeet n not OK now la, maybe must waieeeet’. I mean seriously? ‘It might be a bit tricky to use the internet we’ve just installed’?!
Sort of signals the way I felt
I take a quick look, knowing that connecting cables isn’t my strong side, but cannot help suggesting him to use the socket for the internet and TV, not the one labeled ’FM’. In my humble world, I’m somewhat under the impression that ‘FM’ is radio.. He’s then very happy that things seem to be sorted and says: ‘Ah, maaaaam, this fantastic la! Many times, never work la. Very much net now la! Good I fixed, but maaaaam should come work for me la; can, can!’. I’m just ever so thankful we finally have internet.
Running internet on the TV
Finally we had a true trooper who was supposed to come and do service on our iMac. His Singlish was so thick on the phone, I heard: ‘You’ve da chainsaw in da Mac la?’. I answered: ‘Well, no, there are no chainsaws in our computer; it just won’t start up’. He tried again: ‘Aha, can, can; so no problem la wit’ da otha snails?’. By then I was really starting to wonder if he was drunk, but replied politely: ‘No, there’s been no troubles at all with the snails’. I thought it best to just keep a professional line and not ask him about tools or animals in or surrounding our Mac.
Would probably have been J’s reaction if he’d been there
Once he came, he thankfully didn’t persist asking about the chainsaws and possible snails in the computer; afterwards we agree that he might have been asking about ‘changes’, not ‘chain saws’, but regarding the snails, I still have no idea what he was on about.
When I open the door, there’s a very small man outside with one missing eye and a huge smile with a scarce amount of teeth, arranged like a blizzard. The latter is probably adding to my difficulties of understanding him, but especially the one eye seems slightly unpractical. He constantly had to tilt his head towards the full field of vision of it. In addition, he was very reluctant to turn the computer around and obviously preferred to hang, rather acrobatically I must say, over the screen with his upper body, trying to see the power cords in the back with the eye and at the same time talking me through the process, while operating the mouse with one hand in front of the screen.
He also repeated everything twice, since he probably gathered I wasn’t really fluent in Singlish. Without thinking about it, I hence started answering everything twice. As he was leaving after all the polite phrases, he turned and shook his head. He was probably thinking ‘Ang Moh’, which exactly translates to ‘red haired’, but really means ‘f***ing foreigner(s)’. If this was the case, maybe I deserved it a bit! The main thing was really to get the computer sorted.
Us, the f***ing foreigners ;)
In the end, the above are of course only small curves on the Singaporean water of life. Wherever you go, there’ll be differences which are better here and worse there. Japan was for instance superior regarding the service and standard of e.g. food, but absolutely insane price wise.
Valentine Day dinner in Tokyo, with fantastic goods from Tsukiji fish market
Here and in for instance Spain, the level of service is lower, but I think this is the case leaving Japan going anywhere really. I mean, I was seriously chocked coming back to Sweden after a year in Tokyo, to see the attitude of people in some stores or other service occupations.
Comparing walking into HM in Ginza, Tokyo with HM in Nordstan, Gothenburg, is like being in two different worlds
Also, in Japan the focus seldom seems to be on the time something takes, but rather be central around the quality of the work, and it’s almost impossible to make Japanese people work faster if they don’t want to. In my experience, a stressed Japanese person is a sad Japanese person; Swedish people can sometimes allow themselves to be stressed beyond recognition and the levels of chronically stress related diseases in Scandinavia, have reached an all time high. In the U. K. and especially in Spain, people will almost laugh at you if you don’t go for AW of have a siesta at least a couple of times a week. In Denmark they literary have 37 hours working weeks, which is awesome, and they mostly stick to = many workplaces are empty at 16.00 on Fridays and there’s almost no way you’ll have people working weekends. Still, all countries are productive in different ways.
I gather these Torii gates in Inari were not built by workers on an average 37-hours week
Maybe most important, in Europe, I’d be very careful who I’d let in to my house if I was home alone, so home delivery is always clouded with caution; that never even crosses my mind in Singapore.
I had three strange men entering our home delivering e.g. the TV and not even once did I think of getting their ID:s
In addition, it’s always possible to reason about changing the protocol, menu or procedure both in Singapore and Sweden, while if it’s not according to regulations in Japan, it’ll just be ‘muzukashii desu’ (difficult). That means it’ll only happen when hell freezes over, so you might just as well make yourself comfortable. The Japanese can be just as stubborn as us Swedes.
Me being stubborn in Kyoto, refusing to accept it was raining!
